Playing the con game

Last night, my daughters and I pulled into a grocery store parking lot in Neptune. As I was maneuvering into a space, a man walking across the lot stepped into the other end of the parking space, looked at me with a laugh and backed up, then signalled me to go ahead and park. I did, and he came walking toward me, all smiles. Then the talk started. He was holding a few dollars in his hand and started yammering on about his car and a gas can. "I don't have a gas can," I said. "No, no, that's not it," he said, all smiles, then added, "But first ... you're not prejudiced, right?" I flashed back to last summer. Same place, same guy, same M.O.

Same line.

"You asked me the same thing last year," I said. Before the sentence was done he had turned on his heel and bolted from the parking lot. The "prejudiced" line, I assume, was meant to make this white woman try to prove she isn't by loaning money to a black man she doesn't know. Last year I just insisted I had no cash. He was persistant, but finally gave up. I'm not really even sure what he was talking about. The words flowed fast about car problems and needing to get a gas can, he went into more detail last year. I didn't give him a chance this year.

I fell for a con once before -- a guy who said he locked his keys in his car needed to get to Red Bank where his wife worked as a labor and delivery nurse (who, of course, couldn't leave work) at Riverview Medical Center so she could give him her keys. He spoke so fast, I wound up handing him a few bucks, not as much as he "needed," but enough to make him leave. I later found out he used the same story on others and is a regular in the area.

I warn everyone within earshot of local con artists I've come across, even the one I fell for, as embarrassing as that is. These creeps who prey on the generosity and human kindness of others have their stories down pat and can be pretty convincing. If you have any area con artist stories, share them. Help shut them down.

I've never given in to panhandling, and I'll never fall for a con again, not even to get them to shut up and go away, no matter how good the story. I'll just offer to call the local police to come help. Somebody really in need would be grateful. Otherwise, I suspect I'd get the same reaction I got last night ... out of sight in seconds.

I'm a mean mom

What timing. My friend Jane last week e-mailed me an essay on "Mean Moms." It was a piece done in the first person, explaining that yes, I'm a mean mom because I wanted to know who you were going out with, where you would be, made you clean your room, do your homework, and said ''No'' when you swore that "everybody else was allowed," etc.
I was a Mean Mom this weekend. Our recently-turned-15-year-old first asked to go to an "all ages show" at a nightclub about 40 minutes away on Friday night. He pretty much knew the answer would be no, so he didn't wail too much. He just proceeded to tell me who was allowed to go. Everyone, of course. Except the kids I know.
But he also said friends of his were going to a teen club about a half hour away on Sunday night. That, I might have given in to. I would have stopped in to make sure it was only teens, checked out the area to see how comfortable I was, then visited a friend who lives nearby for a little while. But not on Memorial Day weekend. So I was mean. Late Sunday afternoon I got - for the first time - the "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you," tirade. I remember that one from my own teen years. I survived. And so did he. By 9 p.m. Sunday, it was a very mild, "I'm mad at you." By Monday, it was all forgotten. But I'm printing out and saving that "Mean Moms" essay. I'll hand it to him when he goes to college.

The sad, scary reach of hard drugs

The 14-year sentence for 27-year-old Kurtis Barnes, leader of a drug gang who went by the name "Gotti," will hopefully send out the message U.S. Attorney Chris Christie hopes it will -- ''that drugs and the violence and mayhem they bring to Asbury Park must end."

What truly frightened me was the scope of the dealing of Barnes' group, the Asbury Park Organization -- distribution of about $1 million worth of cocaine and heroin annually. That's incredible. Sounds like they're moving the stuff nonstop. It truly saddens and sickens me to see how widespread the use of those substances are.

Barnes and others bought nearly 7 pounds of heroin and redistributed it throughout Monmouth County over two years. Hopefully, some of his clients will seek help -- the power of drug addiction reaches everywhere, it's not an "inner city" thing. Look at Tenafly, where a borough councilman pleaded guilty this week to heroin possession. Jeffrey Romano, 43, was just reelected in November, receiving more votes than any other candidate. When police arrested him, he had 40 envelopes containing a substance believed to be heroin.

American Idolatry

OK, so the whole family watches American Idol. It's not exactly "Meet the Press," but it's something the whole household enjoys. We started last year, with my kids cheering on Carrie Underwood while I silently rooted for Bo Bice. This year we were all split for awhile, but now we're all on the same page: Taylor Hicks. I was a Chris Daughtry fan until he departed, then was torn between Taylor (my friend Carole has been a Taylor nut since the auditions) and Elliott. Now I'm hoping Taylor takes it all ... he's a different breed of American Idol, for sure.

Are the two remaining "idols" the two who should be there? It would be interesting to look at the actual voting results after each week, to see if people still vote for their "favorite" even after a poor performance -- there were a few times that mistake-ridden performances were overlooked, or likely "forgiven." I also wonder who gets a boost by usurping the votes of the person defeated the week before. Will Elliott Yamin fans disappointed last week turn to Katharine McPhee or Taylor Hicks? We'll see. My favorite is gone. But for Carole's sake, I'm hoping it's Taylor.

Sex in education (not what you're thinking!)

An Ocean County school district is considering having two of its sixth-grade classes designated as single-sex classrooms as an experiment to see if breaking up the girls and boys has any effect on student performance. See http://www.app.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060523/NEWS02/605230439/1070 .

Parents are being surveyed to see if there's enough interest in pursuing this for next year, and I considered my own feelings on the matter. Would I want my school's sixth grade to be split by gender? Probably not, if I was a fifth-grader. But I'm a mom and one-time sixth grader. Taking a year off from sitting in class with members of the opposite sex as you deal with zits, your rapidly changing body and, for girls, makeup experiments gone awry might not be a bad idea.

But the aim expressed by advocates for such classes is primarily to encourage more participation by the genders in nontraditional subjects, i.e., math and science for girls and arts and literature for boys. It does seem that most science and history teachers -- in my day and today -- are men while most art, literature and music teachers are women. All my math teachers in high school were nuns, not a guy in the bunch, so I can't comment on that.

It will be interesting to see what happens if the district decides to pursue it.

Whirlybird goes over the top

I appreciate the programs like Jackson Memorial High School's "Project Crash," where an accident scene is staged to help dramatize the dangers of drunken driving. Sure, it probably results in some laughter from the audience watching from nearby bleachers, but the message is there for the taking. Hopefully it will get them safely through prom season.

But did the show really need a State Police helicopter? The State Police cosponsor the program, but with the cost of fuel so high, couldn't the chopper be left in the hangar? The numerous local police officers, firefighters and first aid squad members, the cutting apart of the vehicles to get the "victims" out, the fake blood everywhere, the report of some who are "dead on arrival," the field sobriety test and "arrest" of the driver should provide enough of a glimpse into the real life dangers of driving while intoxicated. Did bringing in a helicopter really add that much to the program?

The lure of the lore

The creepy story of former Teamsters leader Jimmy Hoffa's disappearance has another chance to finally get close to an ending. FBI agents are digging in a Michigan yard to see if he's buried there. The "Where's Hoffa Buried" saga has been going on for 30 years, with the end zone of Giants Stadium as the site a popular myth. A "Mythbusters" TV show wasn't able to rule it out in the time they had allotted to film.

Other rumors have him dumped in a Florida swamp, crushed in an automobile compactor in Michigan, under a helipad at the Sheraton Savannah and in a toxic waste site in Jersey City. Some theories were apparently cooked up by inmates looking to amuse themselves.
In the interest of ending the case and settling the stories, it would be good if they find his remains. But it would make the Meadowlands of New Jersey a little less interesting.

Whack-jobs give First Amendment bad name

So the band of whackos that is touring the country protesting at funerals of service people killed in action - saying God is punishing the United States for tolerating homosexuals - has set its sights on New Jersey. They said they're waiting for the next Jersey military death to which they can attach their nutty cause. Part of their routine is to wave placards saying "Thank God for Dead Soldiers" at funerals. And they wonder why people don't like them?

Best case scenario: No more Jersey service deaths. Let this bunch of looney tunes sit outside our border and wonder why New Jersey and the rest of the United States - outside of their Topeka, Kan. church - hasn't been erased with a single lightning bolt.

But the Legislature and Gov. Corzine must get the bill that would keep demonstrations at least 500 feet from funeral services and barring them from an hour before or after any service passed into law a.s.a.p. The group's lawyer said New Jersey lawmakers should see what such a rally looks like.

Answer: No thanks. Go back to Kansas. But more than likely, the majority doesn't want you there either. Head back into your church and re-read your Bibles. Looks like you skipped the "cast the first stone" part.

The formerly fat man walking

If I were to be in New York City this afternoon, I'd figure out a way to meander on down to the George Washington Bridge about 5:30 to check out Steve Vaught. You've got to hand it to a guy who says he's going to walk across the country, then does. His journey has been chronicled on a Web site, www.TheFatManWalking.com. This week, several elements on the site, such as photos and a trip journal, were removed because heavy traffic on the site was slowing things down. The full site is supposed to be back up later in the week.
A former lanky teen and muscular marine, Vaught decided to do something to bring himself out of depression - caused by weight gain and guilt over an accident - after his weight topped off at 410. He decided to walk it off, and left San Diego in April 2005. Today he'll arrive in New York, 100 pounds trimmer, and 180 degrees around in the "peace of mind" department.
He said he hopes his story will be inspirational to others.
I hope so too. There's nothing like a good, brisk walk to give a person some good meditation time and to fight the battle of the bulge. In our area, there are plenty of parks and other public recreation sites with paths carved through them. My favorite place is the boardwalk for walking or jogging, but jaunts through the woods are pretty marvelous too.

Too gruesome to imagine

The sentence of two years on probation handed to the Middletown teen who killed the mother and baby groundhog bothers me. This was a really despicable case: The suspect not only shot the baby with a paintball, but then shot the mother 10 times and - here's where I get really grossed out -dragged the mother into the woods and set her on fire, listening to her screams. He bragged about it in school afterward.

That's really sickening. His saying it was "an isolated incident" doesn't warm me up at all. The one incident was so nasty, I just can't understand somebody enjoying - and bragging about - something so cruel.

Rashes, vaccines and pox. Oh my!

So we've got Fifth Disease in the house. After coming up with scarlet fever, measles, rubella and roseola, I suppose nobody in the medical community felt like giving erythema infectiosum a more interesting nickname. Can you hear them in the lab? "Hey, we've got another rash-type virus, but it's a little different" "Geez, the fifth one of these now? You name this one." "No, you name it." "No, you name it." And so on.

One of my daughters had what appeared to be sunburned cheeks the other day, then I noticed her trunk was blotchy and she was itchy. It's the typical lacy pattern of the so-called Fifth Disease. A few weeks back, while she was home from school, she ran a mild fever, but wasn't too uncomfortable. Now that the rash has appeared, she's no longer contagious. Go figure.

I called my brother to warn him -- our kids spend a lot of time together. He said, "Maybe we should just throw them all in a room together and get it all over with," since you're immune once you've had it. Like a good part of my generation is with chicken pox, and apparently many of us have had Fifth Disease, too, but never knew it.

I sometimes wonder about the chicken pox vaccine available now. We all had it when we were kids. I have a very vague memory of it, I was pretty young. But it went through our house -- five kids -- and then we were done. Now they've got a vaccine, but I worry that it may not be as effective at providing lifelong immunity.

I have very strong memories of getting my "Rubella Umbrella" vaccine as a little girl, and of the big campaign to get all children vaccinated. Then during my first pregnancy, I found out I wasn't immune and had to get a shot right after delivery. I did let my kids get the chicken pox vaccine, but I am a little concerned that it won't "last" either.

Greed, greed, greed

The Abbott districts are balking at dealing with the same freeze in state aid that every other school district must contend with. Instead, they want large sums of additional aid, and they want the rest of us to cough that up, too, while our own districts' aid stays flat.

I'm OK with giving addiitonal state aid to poor districts. But to elevate them so far beyond the rest leaves the middle-income districts treading in ever-deepening waters. The amount of money spent per-pupil in some of these Abbott districts is obscene. The rest of us can't afford them anymore.

Camden wants its state aid doubled, and then some. Doubled?!? C'mon. How much of that really benefits the children? And how much of it gives meaningless jobs to friends and relatives, to provide perks and "educational" trips for officials in those districts?

They're in court now, battling against Gov. Corzine's request to keep the Abbott aid flat next year, as he plans to do for everyone else. I hope the state gets its way. If the local citizens freak out about having to pay additional taxes, tell them to have their districts cut out the fat they added during the years of "Use It or Lose It" spending mentalities. And "Use It or Lose It" has been replaced by "Use It and Demand More." These school officials have become the spoiled children of the state; coddling them only makes them worse.