Driving the idea of safety home
My sister and I have teens about the same age, who are about a year away from having driver's permits. I've turned into "The Lecturer." ... Scares the heck out of me, that these kids will be driving so soon! But we were just talking about kids, cars and how we now understand why our Mom and Dad said, "No." Truth be told, they were often right to do so.
So I've become "The Lecturer." I'm about to become "The Mom Who Says You Can't Get Your License Until You're 21" person. Reading today's article on how kids just aren't following the guidelines of provisional licenses -- the "Cinderella" restrictions that include no driving after midnight and no more than one passenger who is not a family member -- is scary. Kids, who are kids, say if somebody drives by and says "Hop in," even with a carload already, they're going to jump in, too. See http://www.app.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060814/NEWS/608140338
I remember overloaded cars as teens. I also remember accidents with short-term, long-term and lifetime consequences. I'm now trying to ready my own teen to understand, and respect, the tremendous responsibility he will have when he gets behind the wheel, that he could not only risk his own life, but that of others.
So there's the "You don't hit the horn every time you feel like it, and you especially don't hit the horn when I'm driving," lecture. The "Don't suddenly put your Ipod up to my ear because 'this is my new favorite song!' when I'm driving, especially when I'm in the middle of turning or a parking" lecture. (That's almost on a daily basis). And the "Don't try to show me something from the back seat when I'm driving," lecture. (That one's finally sinking in, although it's often because he's up front with me, and trying to stick his Ipod in my ear.)
I'm in favor of the provisional licenses. But I know how powerful peer pressure can be. And as much as I'd like to be "The Lecturer" 24/7, I also know that lecturing can become a signal to a teen to stop listening (the teen's "say uh-huh and nod" technique). So my Lecturer style is aimed at being conversational, nonaccusatory and sometimes repetitive, aimed at getting my points to stick somewhere in the teen psyche.
I hope I'm up to the challenge.
So I've become "The Lecturer." I'm about to become "The Mom Who Says You Can't Get Your License Until You're 21" person. Reading today's article on how kids just aren't following the guidelines of provisional licenses -- the "Cinderella" restrictions that include no driving after midnight and no more than one passenger who is not a family member -- is scary. Kids, who are kids, say if somebody drives by and says "Hop in," even with a carload already, they're going to jump in, too. See http://www.app.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060814/NEWS/608140338
I remember overloaded cars as teens. I also remember accidents with short-term, long-term and lifetime consequences. I'm now trying to ready my own teen to understand, and respect, the tremendous responsibility he will have when he gets behind the wheel, that he could not only risk his own life, but that of others.
So there's the "You don't hit the horn every time you feel like it, and you especially don't hit the horn when I'm driving," lecture. The "Don't suddenly put your Ipod up to my ear because 'this is my new favorite song!' when I'm driving, especially when I'm in the middle of turning or a parking" lecture. (That's almost on a daily basis). And the "Don't try to show me something from the back seat when I'm driving," lecture. (That one's finally sinking in, although it's often because he's up front with me, and trying to stick his Ipod in my ear.)
I'm in favor of the provisional licenses. But I know how powerful peer pressure can be. And as much as I'd like to be "The Lecturer" 24/7, I also know that lecturing can become a signal to a teen to stop listening (the teen's "say uh-huh and nod" technique). So my Lecturer style is aimed at being conversational, nonaccusatory and sometimes repetitive, aimed at getting my points to stick somewhere in the teen psyche.
I hope I'm up to the challenge.
4 Comments:
In 2004 I wrote an opinion piece that was published on the Op-Ed page of the APP. I argued that we should require a high school diploma to get a driver's license. Granted, there is no hard evidence of a corelation between high school graduation and good driving, but it is a simple scheme to cut down on teenage driving. Truly, most teenage driving is not necessary at all. It's just plain silliness. If the average teenager's peers didn't have licenses, he wouldn't need one either. Let 'em ride bikes. It just might save their lives!
As usual, great post, Nick Fera. That said, I wouldn't have been able to attend college if it weren't for the money I saved while working in high school. I needed a drivers license for that job, incidentally. You are probably right, but in all fairness, I had to mention my own experiences.
Clare, I love your blog entries, in large part because you are so honest and because the issues you speak to strike close to home. (My oldest daughter is about get her driver's permit. God help my wife and I!) :-)
I was 17 in 1982 and I think I had my NJ driver's license -- those licenses were unrestricted back then -- for about two months when I took my high school sweetheart, now my wife, to our junior prom. As I look back now, I thank God in His Heaven for two things: (1) Days before the prom, my high school brought in a 21 year-old speaker in a wheel chair who talked to us about the dangers of drinking and driving; and (2) That my Uncle Joe, my employer that summer, lent me the $300 that it cost to rent a limo for the evening.
And to think that way back then I thought the adults in my life were so clueless.
For those that might be Catholic readers of this post, whenever one of my daughters launches into one of their oh-so-predictable tirades about how strict and old-fashioned my wife and I are, I invariably put a CD into the stereo and play "Ave Maria," preferably by Luciano Pavarotti.
I tell my daughters to bitch all they want, but that, given the choice -- and, given their ages, the choice is all too often mine, after all -- I will do whatever it takes to weep while listening to this song at their wedding, as opposed to at their funeral.
I don't expect they will actually "get it" until they are married and, maybe, parents of their own. That said, it works for me now. For what it's worth, it usually stops them dead in their tracks -- insofar as their rants go, that is.
If you haven't heard the song, click on the following link and taste a little bit of Heaven:
Ave Maria by Luciano Pavarotti
Incidentally, my wife and I have four daughters, all of whom are now 16 or younger. As I tell my kids, I hope that they will listen to this song at my funeral. If all of them do just that, then I will have gone a long way towards doing my job.
Thanks, Clare, for listening to my rant. :-)
Fantastic. I'm going to copy you! Thanks for a great idea. I'll be downloading Luciano this weekend.
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