Watch your language - at least around kids
My last blog before my vacation next week was inspired by my teenager, and by Margaret, a regular Press blog contributor. In a comment on my posting on cell phone use, Margaret told about hearing a woman's screaming, expletive-laden cell phone conversation, then later learned that same woman had been hired to work at a local school.
That got me thinking about dicey language used in front of children.
I was walking through a parking lot and heard a mother getting out of her car tell her two children, roughly about 10 to 12 years old, "Don't ask me for a f*@#in thing." What purpose was served by that? She wasn't yelling; it was almost conversational.
I know people who don't seem to think the S-H word is a "four-letter word." Or who think it's OK to swear in front of kids, as long as you tell them they're not allowed to repeat it.In my house, telling somebody to "shut up" is unacceptable.
Cursing happens - I've been known to drop the F bomb on the rare occasion (LOTS, when I was in labor). The S-H word isn't so rare. But it's never when little kids are around. NEEEEEEver.
Driving my teen and a friend of his - who he's been friends with since preschool - I got cut off and the S-H word slipped. The friend froze, then said, "Wow, I've never heard you curse before." I admitted I shouldn't have cursed then, but I took his moment of stunned silence as a compliment.
It's hard to offend me with any curse word - when adults are around. When people curse in front of children - theirs or mine - I can't stand it. Maybe I'm too sensitive, but I don't think so. And growing up in my very Catholic household, the only thing worse was using God's name in vain.
Last week, my teenager decided the new thing to yell was "Jesus Christ!" After a pointed warning or two, I took him aside and said I didn't want to hear that, and I especially didn't want his much-younger siblings to hear that. Or repeat it. He said, "It's not a bad thing to say." I have a great comeback, supplied to me by our friend Carol Kelly: "No, it's not a bad thing. As long as you say it quietly - and with your head bowed."
That got me thinking about dicey language used in front of children.
I was walking through a parking lot and heard a mother getting out of her car tell her two children, roughly about 10 to 12 years old, "Don't ask me for a f*@#in thing." What purpose was served by that? She wasn't yelling; it was almost conversational.
I know people who don't seem to think the S-H word is a "four-letter word." Or who think it's OK to swear in front of kids, as long as you tell them they're not allowed to repeat it.In my house, telling somebody to "shut up" is unacceptable.
Cursing happens - I've been known to drop the F bomb on the rare occasion (LOTS, when I was in labor). The S-H word isn't so rare. But it's never when little kids are around. NEEEEEEver.
Driving my teen and a friend of his - who he's been friends with since preschool - I got cut off and the S-H word slipped. The friend froze, then said, "Wow, I've never heard you curse before." I admitted I shouldn't have cursed then, but I took his moment of stunned silence as a compliment.
It's hard to offend me with any curse word - when adults are around. When people curse in front of children - theirs or mine - I can't stand it. Maybe I'm too sensitive, but I don't think so. And growing up in my very Catholic household, the only thing worse was using God's name in vain.
Last week, my teenager decided the new thing to yell was "Jesus Christ!" After a pointed warning or two, I took him aside and said I didn't want to hear that, and I especially didn't want his much-younger siblings to hear that. Or repeat it. He said, "It's not a bad thing to say." I have a great comeback, supplied to me by our friend Carol Kelly: "No, it's not a bad thing. As long as you say it quietly - and with your head bowed."
5 Comments:
There is nothing inherently “dirty” in any word in any language.
A word gets to be dirty because society gets together and decides that certain words are dirty. Some words are dirty in this language but not in another language. Some words are verboten in this socio-economic class but not that one. Some words are dirty in this decade but not that one.
If folks would only get together and decide that “a dirty word” is a ridiculous notion, then all words would be permissible everywhere, and no-one would care whether or not you used “a dirty word”.
"There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so."
-- Hamlet, Wm. Shakespeare
Thanks, Clare, for writing about your experiences as a Catholic mother as she goes about the important business of raising her children Catholic. As a Catholic myself, I always enjoy reading of how we parents can better teach our faith to our children. Truth be told, there is precious little, I believe, that is more important than passing on our faith. Incidentally, your children have a great Mom!
A couple of suggestions, respectfully offered:
My friend, Denise Hunnell, has a great blog site that I think you and others might enjoy taking a look at:
Click Here To See Dr. Hunnell's (AKA "Catholic Mom's") Blog
Secondly, find creative ways to have your teenage son read Sacred Scripture, particularly the Gospels. Ideally you would want your son to avoid taking the Lord's name in vain out of reverence for that Holy Name, and not simply because one of the Ten Commandments requires as much. (Or because it really pisses off Mom.) That will only happen when your son comes to truly love Our Lord. Your son's love for Christ will, I believe, grow when he reads the words of Christ himself and sees how Christ dealt with those around him.
I know what you're thinking: Easier said than done. Granted, getting teenagers in our culture to read Sacred Scripture is not easy, but it can be done. How? Quite simply, you have to pay them to do it -- at least at first. To be sure, there are other ways, but why waste time with less effective methods?
Incidentally, I am not necessarily talking about cash, although Mr. Green is everyone's friend. If your son wants something from you (e.g., practice time driving around town on his permit with your husband or yourself, permission to stay out an hour past curfew, etc.), make him earn it. Tell him, "Okay, son, I'll let you earn two hours of driving time if you agree to do the following: I want you to grab the family Bible and read of where Christ taught of 'The Judgment of Nations' (Matthew 25:31-46)."
Matthew 25:31-46
Go on to tell him that a smart guy like himself can read those fifteen verses in a couple of minutes. Tell him that the particular passage you assigned speaks to the very heart of what it means to be a Catholic. Tell him that he is going to read that particular passage to the family before dinner, and he is going to give a short, three-minute "homily" on what that passage means. (A wise old teacher once told me that if you make a kid teach something, "the teacher" [the kid] will always remember the lesson they taught, even if those hearing it don't.) Ask him a couple of questions about what he read. Congratulate him and try not to smile too much when his siblings bless themselves when he is done or teasingly call him "Father Freckles" (my brother Chris' nickname growing up). If your children do a good job, give them more than you originally promised you would.
Incidentally, this scheme, of which I can't take credit, also works well when reducing the punishments imposed for breaking the rules of the house. (e.g., What? You didn't make your bed? Okay, as your punishment, you will spend 2 hours on Saturday morning helping me Windex the windows. Of course, you can reduce that time to 30 minutes if you agree to deliver a three-minute "homily" tonight on ... oh ... the story of The Prodigal Son.)
Luke 15:11-32 (The Prodigal Son)
Another suggestion: grab some index cards and make some "Get Out Of Poop With Mom Free" cards that you can award when you child acts particularly Catholic. (e.g. Lead the family in Grace before dinner and you earn one card. Shoveling the snow off the driveway of the cranky, old guy living next door -- and doing it without taking any money, no less -- earns you 10 "get out of poop free" cards.) By the way, "get out of poop free" cards, much like partial indulgences, only lessen the temporal punishment associated with sin; those cards aren't a license to partake in sin. I mention that because your smart son sounds like a lawyer in the making. The cards are a commutation, not a pardon. :-)
If you need help finding particular passages from Sacred Scripture to assign, you can consult Marcus Grodi's web site or just use the Daily Mass Readings, which are also available online.
Deep In Scripture with Marcus Grodi
Daily Mass Readings
In addition to Sacred Scripture, you can also assign "homilies" or lectures that refer to particular paragraphs in The Catechism Of The Catholic Church, or simply assign a three minute lecture on a particular saint. (e.g., When your kids are driving you crazy, follow my own beloved Mother's lead and tell your children that you now know how St. Monica must have felt.)
The Catechism Of The Catholic Church
St. Monica: Mother of St. Augustine and Patron Saint of "MOTHERS WITH KIDS THAT ARE DRIVING THEM FREAKING CRAZY!" :-)
A couple of other great sites to consider consulting are the EWTN site (Mother Angelica's Television and Radio Network) and the Catholic Answers web site (Catholic Answers is great Catholic apostolate dedicated to apologetics.) Jim Manfredonia, Seton Hall Class of 1977, and his wife, Cheryl, also run a great, local Catholic radio station worthy of mention. (89.3 FM)
EWTN, Global Catholic Network
Catholic Answers (Don't forget to check out their forums!)
89.3 FM: New Jersey Catholic Radio
Jim Manfredonia, Seton Hall Class of '77
I apologize for the length of this post. Feel free to call me "Father Forever" at any time. (It beats "Father Freckles.") I guess your blog topic spoke to an issue close to my own heart. Whether we Catholics like to admit it or not, we really don't spend a sufficient amount of time reading Sacred Scripture (the Bible). In a few years, your son will go off to college and he will be exposed to, among others, "The Campus Crusade for Christ," a Protestant group that actually practices how they will approach Catholic students so that they might convert them. We Catholics, members of the very Church that Christ himself founded, owe it to our children to pass on the richness, sheer beauty and truth of our Catholic faith. It is my sincere hope and prayer that this blog post and the links provided above might, in some small way, help you and others do just that. Please know that my prayers are with you and your family, Clare. God bless!
With thoughts of my own beloved Mother, who, no doubt, prayed to St. Monica on my behalf more than a few times: Thanks, Mom!!
The Prayer To Saint Monica
Wow ... it took me a couple of times at my computer to get through that post Father! ... I'm at home this week, doing the annual "purge-of-the-too-many-toys-that-kids-at-Madonna-House-and-Salvation-Army-could-use-and-that-the-McDowellettes-won't-even-miss-except-the-lack-of-clutter" that netted three big garbage bags of stuff yesterday. That's after I tossed the broken things and the stuff I couldn't get a full set of. Driving away from the Salvation Army I saw somebody walking out with one of the stuffed animals already.
That was some great stuff. I love the idea of trading driving lessons for some Scripture readings. He's only had one lesson so far - by me - and now he'll get double lessons. I really, really appreciate some great parenting ideas and suggestions, particularly with the "I don't want to go to church" (but who always goes anyway and helps keep his siblings quiet) teen.
Thanks again. See y'all next week.
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