Coming soon: Bridezilla vs. Mothra?

I just don't get the whole concept of being a Bridezilla. These crazy women seem so obsessed about their weddings, I just don't understand how they could possibly enjoy even a single moment. They want the wedding of their dreams. But how can it be if they're overly concerned about every little detail?

Some of my favorite memories of my wedding would send a Bridezilla over the edge, like the photographer stepping on my veil and yanking my head back halfway up the aisle. Or when my stepson, who was 5, got a little overwhelmed by the crowd, so a good deal of my time on the receiving line I had him up in my arms with his head buried in my shoulder. Not a Bridezilla photo op, but a shot of us taken from behind me is one of my favorites.

Regina Santos of Union Beach, who was featured in the Bridezillas reality TV show -- the subject of an article in our On the Run section this week -- spent $106,000 on her wedding. That's exactly what we bought our house for (a few years back, obviously). The producer said she was impressed by the beautiful wedding, and noted that Santos "was still being a Bridezilla at the wedding and the reception, but ... she pulled it off." See: http://www.app.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060628/LIFE07/606280322&SearchID=73249239024800

Sure, you can look back at the lovely photos, brag about the over-the-top extravagances, but how could it be the wedding of your dreams if you're a total wreck through the whole process? My best friend got married last weekend. There were 180 people at an indoor/outdoor reception on the rainiest day of the year. It poured. But the church was packed: no "skip-the-ceremony" people here, even during a tremendous downpour. And all week, I've heard people talking about how great it was, how much fun they had and how absolutely happy the couple looked. That's what it's all about.

Let this lawsuit fizzle out

Hearing reports from the state Attorney General's Office that they're going after fireworks sales reminded me of a few other Big News items. Who can forget Peter C. Harvey's heroic stance on Blockbuster Video's "no late fees" advertising? He invested, time, money, staff and a lot of publicity efforts ... most other states just settled for Blockbuster refunding customers' money (the offensive restocking fee was $1.50) and reimbursing legal fees. New Jersey went on the attack, then finally agreed to settle for $90,000 -- about $1.25 per affected customer. Then there was the attack on Nissan for selling cars with easily stolen headlights, and the silliest cause of all: that Ladies Nights in bars were discriminatory.

Looks like Zulima Farber is following suit. She, along with the Division of Consumer Affairs, is going after four Pennsylvania companies and one Virginia company for advertising fireworks sales. That's fine, but the press releases and publicity dances should be reserved for something that New Jersey residents really need: a crackdown on crooked politicians, something Harvey apparently didn't see a need for. Maybe Farber sees this as a "make work" assignment ... any trip from the south end of the turnpike will supply them with plenty of billboards and roadside stands that sell New Jersey residents sparklers and Roman candles, without warning them that they're not allowed to be used in New Jersey. Judging from the noise we'll be hearing in every town over the next week, there are quite a few residents who were swayed by the "cheap fireworks" signs from here to Florida. That's a lot of potential undercover investigations to keep the staff busy. This effort sounds like another dud out of the AG's office.

$10,000 worth of ego stroking

One point of today's news story about the saga between the Brick Municipal Utilities Authority and executive director Kevin Donald that jumped out was the $10,000-a-year raise (to $140,000) the commissioners gave him in 2004. The authority's former chairman, Daniel F. Newman Sr. -- whose, business, by the way, was unbilled for sewer service for nearly 20 years, Oops! -- said he fought to get Donald the raise because he was concerned that Donald did not feel appreciated in his position and that he felt bad that longtime authority employees couldn't retire early.
Read it and weep at http://www.app.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060626/NEWS/606260362

It's that kind of thinking -- from municipality to county to state -- that put us in the financial hole we're in. So willing to yank more money out of the taxpayers' wallets. If Donald needed to feel appreciated, they could have taken him out to dinner or given him a nice Hallmark card. Giving him a taxpayer funded ego boost was reprehensible.

No place for peace and quiet near us

Out to dinner with my family this week, I was constantly reminded of two letters we received for our Opinion Page. The first said that now that smoking has been banned in restaurants, there should be some "child-free" restaurants as well. The second letter was a response to that, from a waitress, who said if people have a special occasion, they can choose a more upscale restaurant, but that otherwise we should enjoy each others' stages in life. Hear, hear.

With my two sisters and their families in town for a reunion and a graduation, 20 of us took up three tables -- one for each generation -- at one of our favorite Italian eateries. Those letters rifled through my mind as I constantly made sure the chatter at the "kiddie table" didn't grow too loud and that our kids stayed in their seats. I surveyed other tables from time to time to make sure no one looked bothered.

But we are what we are, and this was a family restaurant, so telling the kids to whisper was not going to happen. For the most part, they stayed in their seats (with the exception of my 3 year old, whose birthday we were celebrating) and enjoyed the company of their cousins who they don't get to see often enough.

My husband and I, on rare occasions, get to dine without all the children. When we do, we usually pick a place where other children aren't likely to be. But when we bring the brood along with us -- often accompanied by my brother and his children and my parents and uncle -- we know what places will welcome us.

A friend once complained that one of our favorite family restaurants is too loud. Yep, it is. And we wouldn't have it any other way.

A June loon

I'm fried. The month of June has me done in. With all the end of school/ballet/soccer/gymnastics/soccer/insisting-the-teenager-study-for-finals activities of the last few weeks, this week marks the end of my June madness, and that of many other families. As my friend Carole and I picked up our daughters from their last gymnastics class of the year Tuesday night, I remarked that I'd be glad to see this week end. Her response was an empathetic, "I know, I'm exhausted."
The end of the school year is a tough time for parents, as it also includes the end of the year ballet recital, gymnastics expo, final soccer and softball games and remembering to send in money for last-day-of-school pizza parties and picking up gifts for coaches, instructors and teachers. It's a time to wrap up everything before settling into a summer routine.
For my family, the activities are going to be limited to summer job and summer camp. Weekends free until September. After this weekend, of course. While it's a bummer to see so many programs come to a close, it'll be nice not to have to rush off in four different directions on the weekends, doing the "tag-team" parenting, such as when one handles soccer while the other handles ballet.
Earlier this month we finished soccer and ballet. Last night we finished gymnastics. Tonight we have the end-of-the-year Rainbow Girls pool party (hosted by the exhausted but amazingly resilient Carole). The next several days include: a belated birthday party for my son -- we held off a week because my sisters are flying in for the Avon Grammar School 100th anniversary -- those anniversary festivities, a picnic for my daughters' softball team, the wedding of our friends Dianne and Mike, and my nephew Sean's high school graduation party. After that, the calendar is mostly clear. Sort of.
To borrow and distort a line from Green Day: Wake me up when September gets here.

'Philanthropic soul' ripped off millions

Kudos to U.S. District Judge Katharine Hayden for giving a phone scammer a 17-year prison sentence, rather than buying in to the emotional appeal of the "but he's really a nice guy" testimony of Charles Hoffecker's family and friends, and Hoffecker's own tearful "I just want to pay the people back" speech.
He wasn't crying when his telephone scamming ripped off hundreds of people -- many of them elderly -- of more than $14 million. Several recovering alcoholics and drug addicts testified on behalf of Hoffecker, who also is in recovery. One said Hoffecker has "a truly philanthropic soul."
But Hayden wisely pointed out Hoffecker knew what he was doing and couldn't blame his crime on addiction, saying "If you have a drunken horse thief, and you take away the drink, you still have a horse thief."
Hoffecker insisted he didn't know his business wasn't legal, that he was assured by two commodities lawyers in the Bahamas that his activities were legal. So why was he seeking legal advice from lawyers in the Bahamas? U.S. Attorney Robert Kirsch pointed out it was Hoffecker's own greed that got him where he is today, and that "a stadium could be filled with the victims of his scams." Now he's got plenty of time to think about every one of the people he conned out of their money.

Short on pants, but not on creativity

You've got to appreciate the spunk in the mayor of Bay St. Louis, Miss. Like many other residents, he lost everything but the clothes he was wearing when Hurricane Katrina flattened the city known for beachfront summer homes, quaint shops and an arts colony.

And he's still wearing those clothes, or at least the Bermuda shorts he was sporting when the hurricane hit. To draw attention to the plight of his devastated city, Mayor Eddie Favre has vowed to keep wearing those shorts until his city is back on its feet. (I'm OK with that, as long as he washes 'em!) He even shared a stage with President Bush at a dinner in Washington, wearing a tuxedo top along with his black Bermuda shorts. Check out http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/K/KATRINA_MAYORS_SHORTS?SITE=NJASB&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT&CTIME=2006-06-18-14-32-28

Favre sounds like quite a character, one willing to think outside the box to help the people who put him in office. Wonder how far any of our elected officials would go for us?

Lump cable channels together

Our family had DirecTV and Dish Network for several years. In January, we decided to try the Optimum phone, online and TV bundle and signed up for a year. We've been pretty happy with it, but there's one thing that absolutely drives me nuts: the distance between channels.
I understand there's the basic package vs. the IO package that includes all sorts of other channels, but with the dish channels, ALL the kids' program channels were together. Now, Nickelodeon, Cartoon Network, Disney and TV Land are in one spot (31-34), Animal Planet's in another (57) and ABC Family in still another (49). Then in the IO area, we've got a bundle of about eight other kids channels (121-133).
And we have HBO ... but HBO is 82, HBO2 is 96, then the rest are bundled up in the 300 and up channels. So more is offered with the IO package. I've got that. But why are HBO and HBO2 14 channels apart?
I'm sure I could sit down and figure out how to program my remote and set up a "Favorites" area for the kids, where they could punch it up and it would collect those channels. But honestly, it's halfway through the year we signed on for, and I haven't done it. I doubt I will. There isn't much free time in our household. When I do have free time (I can't remember the last time I did), the last thing on my mind is tinkering with the TV remote.

If you don't have anything good to say ....

OK, sometimes people just say things without really thinking their words out carefully. I'd like to know what Sen. John Adler, D-Camden, was preoccupied with when he came out with this gem: "There's a strong sense in a lot of people that we don't want New Jersey becoming unaffordable."

Becoming unaffordable?
A strong sense in a lot of people?

Well, duh!

But where's Gene-Gene the Dancing Machine?

Today marks the 30th anniversary of TV's "The Gong Show" hosted by Chuck Barris, with regular spoof acts Gene-Gene the Dancing Machine (actually a crew member who just got out and did a shuffle dance that most of those on stage wound up joining in -- the song sticks in my head to this day) and the Unknown Comic.
I remember watching it as a kid, including its visit to the "Carol Burnett Show" when she, as Eunice, performed "Feelings" and got gonged. Jamie Farr and Jaye P. Morgan, who was eventually fired for ripping her top off with no bra on while Gene-Gene was on stage, were usually in the judges' seats. It was a goofy show, with the best non-gonged performer each night winning $516.32. Don't think I could stomach it today. Well, maybe for nostalgia's sake!

What's a parent to do?

There are times when you know exactly when and how to discipline your child, with timeouts, groundings, taking away privileges/cell phones/Gameboys, and the like. Timeouts (or the "Naughty chair," that we picked up from SuperNanny) and groundings are the way we go with our kids. A recent effective punishment for our teenager included loss of a cell phone for a week along with grounding.

What do the parents of the kid in Manalapan -- who accidentally set his house on fire Monday -- do? Lots of us were guilty of boneheaded kid actions -- in this case, it was burning school papers in a fire pit in his backyard to celebrate the end of Middle School, the day before graduation. The boy and his friends put the fire out with a hose, but apparently not enough. Some embers were carried by the wind to his back porch. Half of the home's interior was destroyed. Check out the details in http://www.app.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060613/NEWS01/606130396/1004

What's a parent to do in this case? I actually feel sorry for him, almost as much as his parents. It's going to take all of them a long time to get over this. In a decade or so, it'll be the family story at holiday gatherings and embarassing "Did we ever tell you about the time Joshua burned the house down?" retellings for future girlfriends.

Fortunately, no one was hurt. But his family now must scramble to get their lives and home together because of his carelessness. It doesn't appear as if any charges will be filed, so it's up to the parents. I suggest their own version of community service: have him put some volunteer time in over the summer. And he's 14. He can get a summer job. That money can be used to help the family out until the insurance matter, cleanup and reconstruction are done.

Graduation "experiences" shouldn't be mandatory

Hearing that a kid from St. Rose High School couldn't participate in graduation because he didn't attend the senior dinner and awards ceremony really annoyed me. At first, the principal said she wasn't allowing him to march because she had it "on good authority" that he had attended the Ocean Township High School prom instead. He didn't. He was working at Foodtown to earn money for college.

Granted, the kid, Maximo Arguello, should have known attendance was mandatory. He should have alerted the school that he had to work and could not attend. But to make such programs unwaveringly mandatory is ridiculous. Here is a kid who, during his last week of school, worked 48 hours at his job. He wasn't getting any awards. Why make him lose money that he needs to put away for college to watch his classmates get plaques and scholarships? Why should he be forced to participate in what the principal termed his "graduation experiences," and give up several hours' worth of work to clap halfheartedly, over and over again, and listen to boring speeches?

When the principal, Michelle Campbell, found she was wrong about Arguello attending another prom (which I also believe is a good reason to miss an awards dinner where a student's presence is really unnecessary -- why should someone's girlfriend or boyfriend be punished because of St. Rose's calendar?), she should have said, "OK, you were wrong to not notify us that you had to work and could not attend. And I was wrong to mete out punishment after hearing what turned out to be a rumor, and without giving you a chance to explain. In this case, two wrongs will make a right, and teach us both a lesson." Then let him participate in the graduation ceremony. But no. Instead, Campbell offered him the opportunity to graduate, IF he showed up for the rest of the week in uniform. Basically, he was asked to serve detention after the graduation ceremony. What kind of power trip is she on?

Max declined. Again, the kid has to work. To save for college. His father puts in 15-hour days doing maintenance at two apartment complexes so his children can get a good education. That type of personal work ethic taught by his father was a worthy lesson that Max picked up, and continued by putting in long hours himself, while attending school, to save for his own college tuition. Such responsibility shown by an 18-year-old -- particularly in a school where many of his classmates were much better off -- deserves respect and recognition. But it seems like Max's final lesson from St. Rose was one of intolerance and rigidity. That's disgraceful.

Who needs Tony Soprano?

As much as I hate to see "The Sopranos" come to an end -- Sunday's season finale has us fans waiting for the eight final episodes to be aired next year -- I realized I can get a "fix" by just reading over transcripts from the Operation Bid Rig indictments and trial articles. Maybe the "Sopranos" writers, on a lazy day, can lift a few lines. They're doozies.

Coming back from a weekend in the Poconos, I caught up on my newspapers from the weekend and was struck by the similarity of the news stories and the show. Check this out: How many times before, during or after a trial does a witness or defendant suddenly take ill? Didn't Uncle Junior pull that a few times? Tony's talk about no-show jobs, well, it is a New Jersey show, isn't it? As fascinating as I find the characters, when I read articles about New Jersey politicians, sometimes it's kind of sad to watch them seem to come to life on HBO every Sunday. And the wads of cash tossed around on the show: read over our Operation Bid Rig stories. There are a lot of envelopes stuffed with cash to be found.

Here are some lines "The Sopranos" writers might want to consider for the final episodes. There are plenty more to be found, complete with expletives, in the transcripts from the U.S. Attorney's Office.

"You know, Tony, I live ... my life by a couple of things. You can trust a thief, but you can't trust a liar. I've never lied to you. You never lied to me. You know, we've been straight up and down together. That's how our relationship works." -- former Middletown Committeeman Raymond O'Grady to county superintendent of bridges (his no-show job) Anthony Palughi.
"And ... we're both thieves." -- Palughi.

"What kind of pull would you have to get some of that emergency type work in the town." "See that is where we bang." "That is what we want cause we are going to sub it out to, Duke wants to help this kid out. This kid gets under the emergency threshold, hits it with the back charges, everybody makes a cut. You know what I'm saying?" -- two undercover FBI agents to O'Grady.

"I wouldn't say anything to Broderick 'cause I think he might be wired. If Broderick, if, he's the rat, he's wired. If Steve's the rat, he's wired. So we don't know which one it is, so I wouldn't say too much to either one of them, Tony." -- O'Grady to Palughi.

"Well I'm glad you got a brain, because sometimes I'm stupid, you know," Palughi to O'Grady. "... stupid, you just got to be smarter than them. You know what I mean? You don't (expletive) stick your head into the lion's den." -- O'Grady's response.

And, saving the best for last:
"I could smell a cop a mile away." -- O'Grady.
"We need you like those dogs that go through luggage." -- The undercover FBI agent O'Grady was speaking to.